Proceedings of the inquiry into child abuse within the Catholic Church stalled today as Cardinal Pell, 74, attempted to use Skype for the first time.
“Hello? Hello?” the Cardinal cautiously muttered into the webcam which was, witnesses confirm, off.
Mr. Luke Brown, an intern in the Vatican technical support service, instructed Cardinal Pell to “make sure it was plugged in” and, in the event that this failed, to “try turning it off and on again.”
“Of course it’s plugged in!” a distressed Cardinal Pell was heard to yell.
Witnesses confirm that it was not.