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Turnbull justifies submarines: “We can turn them into women’s shelters”

Ann Ding reckons the submarines would look very nicer in French pink, but peony is very nice too.

MALC

In response to criticism of the federal government’s projected Defence spending by defunded women’s groups and shelters, Malcolm Turnbull has suggested that the 12 new submarines, estimated to cost at least $50 billion, have the capacity to double as women’s shelters if the need arises.

“In this sense, they are very versatile,” Turnbull said. “Not only are they, as Senator Madigan put it, the spaceships of the ocean, they can also serve as temporary housing – and they have the added benefit of ease of transport and military-grade defence capabilities.”

Turnbull also pointed out that the submarines would be situated away from land, where the vast majority of men are known to reside.

Defence Secretary, Dennis Richardson, revealed plans to dedicate a portion of the budget to supplies of ‘BIC For Her’ pens.

There are also plans of converting torpedo rooms to yoga studios and extra wardrobe space. Calorie-counting software is also in the works. The submarines will also be repainted in what Turnbull describes as “peony pink”.

“Yeah, we will probably set aside two or three hundred dollars; that figure is yet to be confirmed,” Richardson said. “Part of that will also go towards redesigning the lettering on the submarine in a curlier script font.”

Women looking to take up residence in the submarines would however need to bring their own sanitary pads and tampons, as they are still considered luxury items.