In what commentators are calling a “huge surprise”, 20-year-old Becky May has managed to open her 200g 4-leaf Coles-brand salad mix before it completely decomposed.
This victory is the latest in a series of wins for May after her bin roster was successfully implemented with housemates last month.
“It was $3 per packet but I’d pay twice that for this sort of natural goodness,” she said. “I almost lost the thing in the fridge under a kilo of broccolini, but when it resurfaced the brown-to-green ratio was perfect.”
In fact, when the package was recovered, May was still able to see individual leaves. “I usually forget about it until it turns into a bag of gross green juice like some sort of health-infused goonie.”
May has been purchasing pre-packaged Coles salads along with mixed berry nut bars and brunette hair dye ever since she discovered “that hot Greek girl on Instagram with the eyebrows”.
“Nothing beats the satisfaction of drooping lettuce leaves over my multigrain sourdough,” she sighed. “Except maybe opening up a new edition of Frankie magazine.”
May’s flatmate, Anne-Marie, later contacted The Garter to assert that May had never opened any of her Frankie magazines either.