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Review: Places to cry on campus

For all your breakdown needs.

Someone crying on the law lawns Someone crying on the law lawns. Image: Grace Franki

Welcome to University! Heads up: you’re going to cry. You might even cry so much that by your seventh time sobbing in the Merewether stairwell after handing another assignment in at 4:58pm two weeks after it was due, you’ll stop crying after a while, laugh to yourself, and whisper “same” to no one in particular.

To streamline the process for you, I’ve taken the time to review some of the many places I’ve shed tears in this fine institution.

WHAT: Assignments stacking up, no sleep
WHERE: Fisher Library
WHEN: Week 2, when you realise what you’ve signed up for

Fisher is a huge library, so it would be unfair to declare the whole edifice bad for crying. I’ve had some great sobs in the isolated book aisles of the higher levels. The media rooms are soundproof, but require booking your sob-session in advance. The silent study zones, however, are a godless place where crying is an alien concept which elicits an immediate USYD Rant about you.

RATING: 5/10 + minimum three unfriendly shushes.

WHAT: General university dread, an hour-long train ride with no seats
WHERE: The Redfern Run
WHEN: Week 4, after the assignment you worked hard on and confidently handed in is destroyed by your tutor

If you live far away from campus, this is an ideal place for crying. Existential dread at 4:00pm and a train to catch at 4:15? Cry along the Redfern Run! I’ve generally had no trouble crying along this route, but if crying makes you a slow walker, you may attract the ire of fellow students.

RATING: 6/10 + five people knocking your bag as they overtake you

WHAT: You! Have! No! Friends!
WHERE: The Law Lawns
WHEN: Week 5, after someone from your GOVT1001 tute ignores you on Eastern Avenue

I cried here in first year because I had no friends, and cried further after dropping my phone and cracking the screen on the cold concrete surrounding the grass. Expect unsympathetic, cashed-up law students to throw their Taste baguettes at you while ibises drink your tears.

RATING: 0/10

WHAT: Bus line longer than the Great Wall
WHERE: Cumberland Campus
WHEN: When the bus finally arrives; before the sole eatery on campus closes

The very few times I’ve gone to Cumbo have felt like I’m going to high school again and that gives me reason enough to cry. The line for the M92 from Lidcombe Station makes me want to cry. Even despite its spacious campus and eerie proximity to a cemetery, crying here feels like screaming into the void.

RATING: 4/10

WHAT: The Jacaranda died
WHERE: The Quadrangle
WHEN: Every waking minute

Once a haven for crying on campus, the loss of The Jacaranda has significantly reduced the quality of crying here. No longer can the beloved tree shield you from the stares of cruel school children. I now wear sunglasses when crying here and I highly rate them.

RATING: 7/10

WHAT: Exception in thread “main” java.lang.Error: Unresolved compilation problem
WHERE: School of Information Technologies Building
WHEN: Week 9, after you’ve reconciled the fact that this is your life for the next couple of years

Legitimately one of the nicest places on campus. I’ve cried over many a runtime error in the lobby and highly recommend.

RATING: 9/10

WHAT: You need help
WHERE: Counselling and Psychological Services (CAPS) Office
WHEN: Whenever, but office hours are 9am–5pm Monday–Friday

Okay, I haven’t actually cried here but there are probably times I should have. University can be very rough and your mental health is important. If you’re crying on campus and need professional help, don’t be afraid to seek it. Crying is an incredible vehicle for expressing your emotions, but don’t feel like you have to go it alone.

Filed under:
Vice Chancellor Michael Spence.

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