Comedy //

Allianz to cover $1.3 billion in activists’ legal fees

Activists will be covered by Allianz's premium mutual aid insurance.

After the F23 Administration Building was blown up by the Education Action Group, insurance company Allianz has committed to covering activists’ legal fees.

“Here at Allianz, we care about our socialist customers,” recently-appointed Allianz CEO Karla Marcs said.

“If you have been fined, we urge you to get a quote on one of our premium mutual aid insurance packages. We cover loss or damage caused from attending speakouts, being trampled by police horses, or having your phone screen smashed by pigs.”

The announcement comes after Marcs announced a radical redistribution of wealth in Allianz’s latest financial statement to the Australian Stock Exchange.

“No cuts, no fees, no corporate insurance companies!” she chanted as she leafleted Barangaroo for the company’s upcoming AGM.

The Boot can confirm that Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Education) Rhonda and Interim Vice-Chancellor Ketut were unharmed in the F23 incident, as they were busy sucking each other’s toes in the Fisher sound booths.