Comedy //

ASIO scraps plans to infiltrate Sydney left after realising petty drama will do their work for them

Spies had been trained in community care and outfit coordination.

The Boot has acquired shocking files under the Freedom of Information Act revealing ASIO’s detailed plans to halt protests in Sydney by creating “unprecedented fractures” in the left. 

The files show that ASIO scrapped its plans soon after the project commenced, with one spy complaining of having spent three hours listening to an argument about whether the left should run for USU board.

Another ASIO spy reported that two socialist groups they “struggled to tell apart” were postering over each other on campus for upcoming talks on the same topic.

Furthermore, emails reveal that the ASIO spies, who had committed to wearing platform Doc Martens for the project, planned to stay long enough in the groups in order to gain enough credibility to “cancel” someone.

“I think we at ASIO can make better use of our resources than on these inner-west queers,” one spy said. “I have been observing their activity closely and it appears that this particular group is about to crumble over a split between post-anarchism and post-left anarchy.”

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