Comedy //

Pigeons Win Squatter’s Rights To Manning House

Adam Chalmers swigged Red Bull, now has wings.

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After a four-month legal trial, lawyers representing Greenpeace can confirm that Manning House is now owned by two common pigeons.

“NSW law clearly states that if a squatter occupies a property for 12 uninterrupted years, adverse possession applies and they can assume ownership,” said Ms. Satler, a Greenpeace lawyer representing the pigeons.

“Today, NSW law has listened to a decade of eyewitness student testimony, and granted these pigeons their legal right to property.”

The pigeons cooed affirmatively in response.

Their legal victory validates the pigeons’ decision to reject an out of court settlement offer of two million dollars and five breadsticks.

University of Sydney Union management are “dedicated to working closely with the new owners of Manning House” and agree on a new leasing arrangement.

Students will see “little change in day-to-day operations,” said USU president Alisha Aitken- Radburn.

“For now, we’ll be hiring new staff to throw breadcrumbs around everywhere, and instructing the cleaning staff not to chase the new owner’s.”

In an interview with The Cursor, the pigeons said they hope students will “coo, coo, peck, [sound of birds shitting on my notepad]”.