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Why does the American ruling class continue to be obsessed with the Bubonic Plague?

By Ann Ding

By Ann Ding

In the past weeks, the U.S. has been a swirl of celebrity sightings, opinion pieces and hot takes from both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions, all circling the gurgling drain that is the 2016 presidential election. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and her balloon-loving husband, Bill Clinton; have all reminded us that yes, it’s really happening.

The hype continues to build, and then simmer, and then build some more – but in amongst all this is a question that seems to have been stifled, not for its irrelevance, but for its perplexing absurdity. No other news outlet has point outed that both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have light hair – even lightened hair, perhaps. While one might be led to assume that hair bleaching is simply a cosmetic choice, some are suggesting that the chemical processing used to lighten hair is also a powerful germicide, one which would destroy all traces of plague bacteria. The pressing problem, then, is this: are our leaders harbouring a deep-seated fear of the Black Death?

While others are decrying Malia Obama’s choice to attend Lollapalooza, none have pointed out the fact that her father appeared at the DNC in a dark navy – almost black – suit. It cannot be pure coincidence that this is the very same shade of clothing that plague doctors wore in the 17th century.

Meanwhile, Trump has faced widespread criticism for his insistence that a wall be built on the southern border of the U.S. in order to curb illegal immigration or at least, this is what he alleges to be the cause. But it may well be another measure proposed by the nation’s most prominent politicians in a bid to shut out these biological threats. It plagued us in the Dark Ages, and now the Bubonic Plague is plaguing the American ruling class, now and possibly tomorrow as well.

This piece formed part of the Honi Soit Think-Piece-Meal Experience. Some real think- pieces to think about it. You might think these challenging works of analysis champion “Rationalism” over “Empiricism”. You might think these headlines have been cherry-picked from hilarious @thinkpiecebot tweets. And you know what, at least you are thinking. That’s the point. Having thoughts, no matter what is hermeneutically sound.

Want to read our other Honi Soit Think-Pieces-Meal-Experiences? Check out our New York Times article Have We Transcended Childbirth? and our New Scientist piece Do Young People Really Love The Large Hadron Collider?