Comedy //

Strikebreaker speaks: the NTEU sold my organs on the black market

One brave, one-kidneyed scab speaks out.

One brave strikebreaker at the University of Sydney has spoken out about the nefarious activities of the National Tertiary Education Union, accusing organisers of illegally procuring and trading his kidneys.

Colin Mialaia sat down with The End Times to discuss the traumatic event.

“I was scrambling over the iron spikes of the Victoria Park fence to attend my Zoom class on jurisprudence at the Lawbry. Suddenly, I got skewered. As I bled out, a roaming picket removed me from the fence and carried me to the Anderson Stuart building. I woke up on an ominous sandstone table in the depths of the building to the overwhelming stench of formaldehyde. I saw one of my kidneys floating in a jar next to my head.”

Mialaia then noticed a frequent USyd Rants commenter looming out in the darkened room. He recalls that they told him, “we wanted to excise your brain too, but we couldn’t find it.” 

Terrified, Mialaia ran screaming back to his dorm in St John’s college, but not before hearing the ominous words: “we will donate the proceeds to the strike fund.”

“It just goes to show: civil discourse and negotiation really is dead.”