Comedy //

Alpha, Beta, and Gamma Goodrem: Our sister is a cloned fraud who kept us locked in her basement for years

Emma Balfour no longer has innocent eyes.

Her neighbours are still in shock. “I saw Delta once through a window,” said local woman Arielle Masters. “I thought she looked upset or distraught, but of course it must have been one of her sisters. What a terrible case of mistaken identity.”

Many will know Delta Goodrem as one of the judges on The Voice. Many more remember her as a talented young performer whose hits during the mid- 2000s gave hope to piano teachers everywhere.

But now ten years have passed, and the one thing that will last is Delta Goodrem’s reputation as a cloning experiment turned sour, and the cruelty she subjected upon her imprisoned clone sisters.

Having escaped from their sister’s Woolloomooloo residence last Sunday, Alpha, Beta, and Gamma Goodrem have now released their first statement to the press.

Still traumatised by the trials they suffered while imprisoned in the basement of Delta’s Sydney mansion, the sisters spoke up about their lives.

“We were all part of an experiment conducted by a mad pianist,” Beta said, talking of the sisters’ origins. “Our father didn’t perfect the cloning process until the fourth time. Delta’s body is stronger than the rest of us put together – that’s why she hasn’t aged in a decade.”

“In childhood he raised us all well, but he doted on Delta the most. When he died, something in her snapped… she would look at photos of him and murmur ‘I’m lost without you’ every night.”

“She kept us locked up in there for around fifteen years,” Alpha said. “We were fed very little, and had no sunlight. She just… kept playing the piano for us. It was torture.”

“There was no guiding inspiration in a place where dreams were made. There were no dreams. Only nightmares.” At this point, Alpha moved away from the microphone in distress.

“All we can do now is move on,” Gamma said. “Sometimes you’ve got to sacrifice the things you like, but we were born to try.”

Delta has since been taken into police custody, and could not be reached for comment.